Rough Season

I am ready to have children. I never thought I would get to that point in my life, but I have. I never thought my husband would be ready for that point in his life, but he has. We got down to business 7 months ago and all I could think about during the summer was is this ever going to happen? It was frustrating, and sometimes depressing. But we kept moving forward while processing it all. And then right before we left for vacation, I started to notice feeling different. It finally happened. I got pregnant! 

We were so excited and scared about everything. It was funny to think that we had planned for this for months and now in the reality of it, we were just shocked. Then all the doctors appointments began and I learned a lot. For starters, you will not only live at your diabetes doctors office, but you will also live at your lady doctors office. Even though I knew how tight I needed my numbers to be, what I started learning right away was how hard it is to keep them in range. I was able to get my A1c down to a 6.3 and was feeling great about everything. 

It was time to hear the heartbeat. I brought the hubs with me for this event we were both still shocked and couldn't believe this was the next phase of our life, but we were beyond excited. The ultra sound started, they measured everything, but there was one thing missing...a heartbeat. We were unbelievably devastated. All I could think about was if I had done something wrong, and was this diabetes related. Our doctor was great and reassured us, that this wasn't my fault or diabetes related, especially after I told him my A1c. We decided to wait for my body to do what it was supposed to do and just waited for things to happen. 

I always worried about what my blood sugars would do during childbirth. I was worried they would drop and I wouldn't have the energy to push or get through it. But now I know, they will skyrocket through the entire thing. The entire night I had to keep giving myself more and more insulin even though I wasn't eating. I stayed in the 200's the entire night. I also learned the importance of letting your partner or spouse understand how your diabetes devices work because I had to walk my husband through finger sticks, insulin injections (which he wasn't comfortable doing), resetting my pump after I ripped out the sight by accident, and how to use my new insulin pump. I always had the impression that this was my disease and I had everything under control, until that night. That night was the first night I needed someone to help me with my diabetes, I was completely vulnerable in every way imaginable. But thanks to the hubs I got through it all. 

It has been a really rough season for my hubs and I. But I have been trying to get through it by focusing on all the positives I learned from this experience. First and foremost, I can get pregnant. That is huge in itself and I need to remember that. Second, I now know what to expect from my diabetes in moments like these. And third, the hubs is a rock star in trying times and I am so grateful to have him by my side. I would just like to send out my sympathy and sorrow for others who have had to go through this. There are no words, but I want you to know you will always be in my heart and thoughts, even though I may never meet you.