Honesty

I don't mind living with diabetes. I feel like it's helped me get more in tune with my body, take better care of myself, and most importantly, it helped me grow up. Then there are days when I just want to punch diabetes in the face.

 Lately, it's been a pain in my neck. No, not the checking my numbers and counting carbs part, but the actual numbers part. Every time I wait for the number on the screen to come I get a large wave of anxiety. Will it be where I want it to be? What if it's not? Usually, I can let it go and remember that it's just a part of living with diabetes and I will do better next time. But lately, I don't feel as at ease with that. I want to have a formula to having more controlled numbers and it's frustrating during this trial and error period when that doesn't happen. 

The amount of pressure we can put on ourselves to have perfect numbers is overwhelming. I have been feeling physically and emotionally exhausted trying to keep my numbers perfect. I'm tired, I ache, and I sometimes can't not think about diabetes. It's been a constant thought for the last month and I can't seem to shake it. 

My apologies for the negativity, but the one thing that I find most important on this blog is my being honest with where I am at with this disease, and today this is where I am at. It might be different tomorrow, it might be the same. If this is where you are at in your disease right now, I just want you to know that I understand and hope you get past this too.